I really like my Troll Wife hook, but I've been getting a lot of comments that basically say, "We already know she got the job, why are you spending so much time on becoming a tooth fairy!"
I don't want to cut out that part of the story. I think it's necessary. (Trim ok, but not cut out.) I don't want to give up my hook, because I think it's really good. I'm worried that my hook doesn't give the most accurate view of the story. So I came up with a couple of new hooks.
If you have a few minutes, please let me know which version you like better, 1, 2 or 3. (Number 1 is the original hook.)
1. I took stock of my injuries. I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. Being a tooth fairy shouldn't be this hard.
2. A troll's life isn't easy in this economy. Matchmaking jobs have been hard to come by. Sure, living rent free in a library means lower living expenses. But a job, any job that would take me would be helpful. Even if it means being a tooth fairy.
3. I took stock of my injuries. I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. Being a tooth fairy shouldn't be this hard. If only I had known the real job was monster fighter!
nope, love number 1. But I do understand about people picking on the bits you love and then realising that..okay...maybe...you might need to trim it..or rewrite it :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck, and you CAN do it
I think number one is a great hook, and quite hilarious.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with this. It sounds really funny.
Number One by a mile! It's natural and confident - it's not trying to impress me, it just does.
ReplyDelete