Sunday, November 17, 2013

In Which I Beat Myself Up

In Stephen King's book "On Writing" he mentions a story about his son playing a musical instrument. The son was supposed to practice for 30 minutes a day, which he did. But he only practiced 30 minutes a day. Stephen King said he knew his son didn't have passion for that instrument, because he only did the bare minimum requirement.

I'm finding NaNoWriMo to be like that. I'm making my word count every day, but I'm only doing that. When I get caught up in a scene, I stop when I hit my word count for the day. I beat myself up over that. Maybe I don't have the dedication or passion to be a "real writer". Heck, do I even spend enough interest, passion, time on this to describe it as a hobby? When I have free time, do I think, "Oh yay, now I can go write something?" Or do I use that time for reading or watching tv.

Then, after I'm done beating myself up, I use a technique I learned a long time ago, to deal with that abusive critic that lives in most of our heads.

1. I'm using NaNoWriMo as a way to build a daily writing habit. Like rebuilding muscles after being ill for a long time. (Because depression does that to you.)
2. I've learned that stopping in the middle of the scene makes it that much easier to pick it up the next day. Thank you, NaNoWriMo!
3. Passion is hard for someone with depression to access. I count the fact that I'm writing at all, to be a success. Those feelings (like passion) will come back, as I continue to heal and improve.
4. I enjoy writing. I don't have to write for eight hours a day to prove that. The fact that I keep coming back to writing, that I think about it, even when I can't do it, or that I'm always writing scenes in my head, even if I don't always get them down on paper shows me that I do enjoy it.

So. Still working on NaNoWriMo. Still making my daily word count. Still enjoying the story I'm working on :)

Sunday, November 10, 2013

In Which I Am Still In NaNoWriMo

I'm still making my word count in NaNoWriMo. It helps that people are interested enough to ask if I made my word count for the day :)

Typo(s) of the day:
"He jumped up with an energy that denied his ears" (Of course, I meant "years" not "ears") and I keep typing "dead" when I mean to type "dad". It's a good thing Freud doesn't live here :)

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

In Which I Am Doing NaNoWriMo

Yes, I'm writing again! I've switched my depression meds from whatever it was to Wellbutrin. There wasn't a dramatic difference, but I did start having feelings again. Things that I didn't have the energy to care about, I started caring about again. So, word from the other side of darkness. If you are on meds, and you still don't care, talk about switching meds. I'm not recommending Wellbutrin, mind you. Everyone's depression is different and it may even be that different episodes are different. It's kind of a hit or miss thing to find the meds that will work for you.

But, I was still feeling fragile. I was afraid I didn't have my writing chops back yet. I was having a wonderful time on Pinterest, but that doesn't involve any writing. I knew NaNoWriMo was coming up, of course, who didn't. I've participated three times, but only won once. But that was for a novel that introduced me my troll character and got her her own book, ("Scratched").

And then NaNoWriMo sent an email from "my novel". "Please write me". I didn't even read the email, just the title was enough. On Oct 31, I decided to join NaNoWriMo again this year.

Today I hit my 10,000 word count, so I'm right on target. The story is flowing well (so far), though I'm having a terrible time not editing as I'm going. I keep telling myself, "Just get the words out. Fix them later." I really miss my writer's group and their feedback and insights.

I worry about Penny (my character in "Penny's Luck"). Is she too knowledgeable? Too naive? Is what she doing making internal sense for the character? Am I leaving Cal's deafness unrevealed for too long? Does it work? But then, I'm just enjoying the story. I like Penny. She's a teenager. She strong, she's smart, and she tries to take care of her dad too much.

But, it's day 6. I'm writing. I'm on track, and my son checks on my word count every day :)