I'm having a lot of problems with this blurb. Here are the elements I'm trying to incorporate. I want it to show that it's an urban fantasy, without saying that it's an urban fantasy. I'm trying to use setting cues, like telephone pole or gunshot wound to convey that.
I want to have three basic parts: Character, Conflict, Consequence.
I want to let people know how dangerous Oubliette is, by showing ("killed millions of people") not telling ("Oubliette is dangerous").
I want to let people know that the tooth fairies are both a solution and a problem. Plus, the leader of the tooth fairies has a whole spider motif going on. I try to get both of these things at once by talking about "the web of the tooth fairies".
Here's my latest attempt. I may just have to go with it, since I'm running out of time. (My son hates it.)
Troll Wife could use a job, so when she finds the poster on the telephone pole that says, "Any fae may apply", she does. She's as surprised as anyone, when she's accepted for training as a tooth fairy.
She's also surprised by the impressive number of injuries she racks up on the job. A broken bone and a concussion? Eh, maybe she should have expected that. After all learning to fly isn't as easy as it sounds. But the gunshot wound? That was because she was fighting a monster that she ran into while collecting teeth.
The monster, called Oubliette, was a soldier in the war between the humans and the fae, hundreds of years ago. Now Oublieette wants to start the war all over again. This time, it wants to kill all the humans, not just most of them. The other tooth fairies should be her allies in this war against Oubliette, but Troll Wife doubts that any fae that smells like cotton candy can help save the world.
Troll Wife only has days to learn how to fight the Oubliette, protect the human children from it, and make sure that she collects her quota of teeth. While she's at it, she needs to find out what dark secret the tooth fairies are hiding, and rescue herself from their tangled web.