Saturday, April 2, 2011

In Which I Revise my Twitter Pitch

Thanks to so many comments I got on the first version of the pitch I'm entering in  Shelley Watters Twitter Pitch Contest.

The original pitch is a couple of posts below. Here's the revision:

Version 2.0

Title: "Any Fae May Apply"
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Word Count: 95,000

A snarky teen troll finds part of her job as Tooth Fairy is to stop a monster from killing kids. Even if other fae won't work with her kind.

Thanks for any comments or suggestions!


  1. Ooh. Good. I just don't like the second sentence hanging by itself. It might sound better combined with the first. But that's just me. Otherwise, this is looking great.

  2. Suzi, this streamlined pitch is great! I agree w/ JEFritz, though. I'd combine the two sentences, since the second is a fragment and cannot grammatically stand on its own. A comma would keep the pause, and the emphasis on the second phrase, that you're going for.

    Or if you want to really emphasize the dependent clause afterward, put in an ellipsis. You'd have to tweak the words to come in under 140 characters, though.

    "A snarky teen troll's new job as Tooth Fairy means stopping a monster from killing kids...without the help of other fae, who shun her kind."

  3. I love the first part of the pitch, but the second part doesn't fit with it. I love how A.B. reworked it -- it sounds so much clearer. I'm intrigued. Great job and good luck! :D

  4. @A.B. I think you've got it! And according to Twitter, it is 139 characters :)

  5. I don't think I need to add anything here. It's fantastic, the two pieces need to be joined, you can play with that however you like, and I can't wait to read the published book and see the movie.

    Good luck!

  6. I think you've got a great pitch reworked & going for you. Good luck.


Thank you for posting a comment! I know that sounds a little needy, and maybe it is. I mean, I don't need comment validation to know that I exist, right? But I like to know that someone else (maybe you?) has read what I wrote and felt moved enough to reply. So, thank you.