Wednesday, February 9, 2011

In Which I Cheat

This is the first two opening lines of my Troll Wife WiP.

I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken arm, and now, a gunshot wound.  Being a Tooth Fairy shouldn't be this hard.

I like it in this order, but I've had a suggestion or two that the order should be reversed.

Being a Tooth Fairy shouldn't be this hard.  I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. 

Any thoughts? (Personally, I like "Being a Tooth Fairy..." coming second, because it's more of a surprise. But I'm open to suggestions.)

8 comments:

  1. The "Being a Tooth Fairy" should definitely come second. The surprise is what makes it good.

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  2. i agree with elena. it's the bam factor.

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  3. I've just been reading through the first lines blogfest, and this is one of the few that I really like, nice work :) Oh and I prefer Tooth Fairy last too.

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  4. I like the surprise element of the first one too :)

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  5. Too late for the contest, but I was reading over the entries and yours is one of my favorites. I'm really curious about the sort of world where the tooth fairy gets injured in the line of duty.

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  6. Thank you everyone! I feel vindicated! :)

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  7. The way you have it is great. I like the little surprise.

    You have an award waiting for you on my site: Footsteps of a Writer: http://chergreen.blogspot.com/2011/02/2nd-stylish-blogger-award.html

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  8. I liked the first version...it makes you wonder what kind of job it is, and then you get to know it's being a Tooth fairy...:)

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Thank you for posting a comment! I know that sounds a little needy, and maybe it is. I mean, I don't need comment validation to know that I exist, right? But I like to know that someone else (maybe you?) has read what I wrote and felt moved enough to reply. So, thank you.