Wednesday, February 9, 2011

In Which I Cheat

This is the first two opening lines of my Troll Wife WiP.

I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken arm, and now, a gunshot wound.  Being a Tooth Fairy shouldn't be this hard.

I like it in this order, but I've had a suggestion or two that the order should be reversed.

Being a Tooth Fairy shouldn't be this hard.  I hadn't even been on the job a month and I had 14 bruises, a concussion, multiple cuts and abrasions, a broken bone, and now, a gunshot wound. 

Any thoughts? (Personally, I like "Being a Tooth Fairy..." coming second, because it's more of a surprise. But I'm open to suggestions.)
Posted by Touch of Ink at 6:42 AM

8 comments:

  1. Elena SolodowFebruary 9, 2011 at 8:11 AM

    The "Being a Tooth Fairy" should definitely come second. The surprise is what makes it good.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 9, 2011 at 8:16 AM

    i agree with elena. it's the bam factor.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tatum FlynnFebruary 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    I've just been reading through the first lines blogfest, and this is one of the few that I really like, nice work :) Oh and I prefer Tooth Fairy last too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. WritingNutFebruary 12, 2011 at 9:07 AM

    I like the surprise element of the first one too :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. DavidFebruary 12, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    Too late for the contest, but I was reading over the entries and yours is one of my favorites. I'm really curious about the sort of world where the tooth fairy gets injured in the line of duty.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Touch of InkFebruary 13, 2011 at 9:46 PM

    Thank you everyone! I feel vindicated! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousFebruary 14, 2011 at 3:47 PM

    The way you have it is great. I like the little surprise.

    You have an award waiting for you on my site: Footsteps of a Writer: http://chergreen.blogspot.com/2011/02/2nd-stylish-blogger-award.html

    ReplyDelete
  8. caterpillarFebruary 16, 2011 at 2:35 AM

    I liked the first version...it makes you wonder what kind of job it is, and then you get to know it's being a Tooth fairy...:)

    ReplyDelete

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