In Which I Beat Myself Up

In Stephen King's book "On Writing" he mentions a story about his son playing a musical instrument. The son was supposed to practice for 30 minutes a day, which he did. But he only practiced 30 minutes a day. Stephen King said he knew his son didn't have passion for that instrument, because he only did the bare minimum requirement.

I'm finding NaNoWriMo to be like that. I'm making my word count every day, but I'm only doing that. When I get caught up in a scene, I stop when I hit my word count for the day. I beat myself up over that. Maybe I don't have the dedication or passion to be a "real writer". Heck, do I even spend enough interest, passion, time on this to describe it as a hobby? When I have free time, do I think, "Oh yay, now I can go write something?" Or do I use that time for reading or watching tv.

Then, after I'm done beating myself up, I use a technique I learned a long time ago, to deal with that abusive critic that lives in most of our heads.

1. I'm using NaNoWriMo as a way to build a daily writing habit. Like rebuilding muscles after being ill for a long time. (Because depression does that to you.)
2. I've learned that stopping in the middle of the scene makes it that much easier to pick it up the next day. Thank you, NaNoWriMo!
3. Passion is hard for someone with depression to access. I count the fact that I'm writing at all, to be a success. Those feelings (like passion) will come back, as I continue to heal and improve.
4. I enjoy writing. I don't have to write for eight hours a day to prove that. The fact that I keep coming back to writing, that I think about it, even when I can't do it, or that I'm always writing scenes in my head, even if I don't always get them down on paper shows me that I do enjoy it.

So. Still working on NaNoWriMo. Still making my daily word count. Still enjoying the story I'm working on :)